Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Ciara's LiveJournal:

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Monday, November 21st, 2005
6:06 pm	A new low... Oh boy...my first update in a few months and where am i making it from??! that's right the bio lab...i hope ure reading this now amanda cuz i dont think i've been at this stage of science meltdown since science research...not to mention we learned about GFP today and it made me chuckle over how we made up a definition for GFP when ms williams asked us (or at least i did) cuz i had nooo idea. well it looks like im bs-ing stuff again. cant wait to see everyone again. I LOVE YOU ALL!! :) ps im rediscovering my love for music from middle school... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 29th, 2005
1:21 pm	Oh Balls I really dont know what to write. It's pouring here for those of you who know my feelings on the weather...it sux. Anywho, yeah...I've had a shitty 24 hrs Groton House went really well...we went double clear and Impy-poo was a star as usual. I love that horse so much....best thing to happen to me by far. Anyway...yeah...I feel like I should be more upset than I am but really I'm just pissed off and apathetic...nothing like some quality Ciara emotions(or lack there of) but I'm prob drinking tonight so watch out world I dont think you want to exposed to what lies beneath the calm exterior right now. Oh well...C'est La Vie (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 23rd, 2005
8:24 am	Ballsacks! HAHAHA...look at this shit...can you believe it? well..some of it's true but I think it was messed up by my love for horses so I picked that as the ans for almost everything..oh well... The Keys to Your Heart You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. What Are The Keys To Your Heart? anywho...i gotta get going on packing ( i suck sooo much at this shit)...and wish me luck at my come back event...i promise a real update after the weekend :) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
5:59 am	Doot Doot Doot So this must be an all time low...procrastination at 6am the day of my final...I have a ridiculous amount of studying to do by 10, organize my portfolio by 9.30, buy my "amigo secreto" a present by 10 and pack up by 11.45....and what am I doing?? Ranting on LJ!! Wow, aren't you guys glad to see that college has had basically no effect (at least not a positive one) on my methods of studying/ working. It's ridiculous really... oh well... It takes me back to the days of writing papers for Broggy the am they're due (I love you Sarah....) Anywho, that's all...I'm coming home today and staying till friday so I better see some of you bitches before I have to come back up here and sit through the shit that is a chemistry final (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
10:37 pm	Come find us....im soo scared.... haha....so im sitting here w/ my seltzer and salad wrap trying desperately to detox from yesterday...special brownies...baaad idea especially when they are worth $150...yeah so anywho...im ryedonculously excoited for coming home....i think i'm coming home in between finals...and i cant wait to see everyone...and drive around aimlessly and all that jazz..... ooh...and y'all better be around in the beginning of july cuz i seriously wanna have my "finally legal" party....i mean come on....turning the big 1-8 a yr after everyone else is more than enough of a reason for a party!!! :) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
10:29 pm	I've been hanging around this town.... well...i'm chilling in maggie's room waiting for her to finish blowdrying her hair so we can go out....i havent done my hw yet...but it'll get done....picked my classes for the fall....i can't believe this year is coming to an end.... i had the biggest deja vu in art yesterday....well not really....but it made me miss home....this guy in my class smelled just like robby and was standing next to me while we were in the art museum and well, it reminded me of going to the philadelphia art musuem w/ him and emily...and just w/ him before that....and how we got in that stupid fight about danielle (i think that's her name) and how we had soo much fun w/ emily....and how that was the first integration of home and dartmouth and oh yeah!! a girl from his hallway was visiting my friend here...it was so funny to see her and have her recognize me..and she was so nice and yeah.... i dunno i go home in like 3 weeks...i have a bunch to figure out before then... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
8:38 pm	Ooh baby all I need... haha..gotta love Jackson 5...I dont feel like updating but I just wanted to make a quick comment on the power of music...i was in a shitty mood about this summer and carin not being around and me being shitty at riding and not having a job...but someone w/ a bunch of Jackson 5 and Indigo Girls (which ive wanted to listen to since yesterday night but nobody had any) is on their i-tunes..and well..my day is now officially AMAAAZING!!! hehee...i couldnt help it... We talked up all night and came to no conclusion We started a fight that ended in silent confusion And as we sat stuck you could hear the trash truck Making its way through the neighborhood Picking up the thrown out different from house to house We get to decide what we think is no good We're sculpted from youth, the chipping away makes me weary And as for the truth it seems like we just pick a theory The one that justifies our daily lives And backs us with quiver and arrows To protect openings 'cause when the warring begins How quickly the wide open narrows Chorus: Into the smallness of our deconstruction of love We thought it was changing but it never was It's just the same as it ever was A family of foxes came to my yard and dug in I looked in a book to see what this could possibly mean 'Cause there is fate in the breeze and signs in the trees Possible tragic events When forces collide with the damage strewn wide And holes blasted straight through the fence The sky starts to crash the rain on the roof starts to drumming And laid out like cash your take on my list of shortcomings The show starts to close, I know how this goes The plot a predictable showing And though it seems grand we're just one speck of sand And back to the hourglass we're going i miss senior yr...just thought i'd put that out there...i miss u guys so much...i miss my home life...i miss taking things seriously and thinking ppl are sincere and feeling bad about my cynicism and i miss bitching w/ sarah and driving around aimlessly and ROAAAARRRRRRRR I MISS HOME!!! i need to stop drinking and drop weight and stop being such a general sloth and pull my life together and yeah...it's green key this weekend (and by weekend i mean starting tomorrow) and i'm gonna be crazy and drunk but i feel a meltdown coming..and i have a midterm in chem on tues...and really i kinda just wanna be alone for the next few days so i can lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling and be sad and lonely...i'm really not embracing the sad and lonely very well....roaaar (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 9th, 2005
9:27 pm	hahaa Your Birthdate: July 3 Being born on the 3rd day of the month is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life. The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental. There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude. You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression. Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing. You are energetic and always a good conversationalist. You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters. You are affectionate and loving, but sometimes too sensitive. You are subject to rapid ups and downs. What Does Your Birth Date Mean? Well as you can see, I've completely given up on updating you on my life or being introspective at all. My life's all over the place..and by that I mean my head's all over the place. I'm still settling into my new habit of trying not to give a crap...well that's an old habit...but it's kinda working. Every now and then I forget though...and then I get all emotional for no reason...and I really just want a hug...but I'm way to me to be like "hey will someone give me a hug...i really wanna curl up in your arms and have you tell me you love me" wow, I miss Robby. But then the pride kicks in and i'm like "fuck that shit, i'll just take a nap...or drink...or hey, update my LJ". so yeah...fuck that emotion shit haha...finished my art unreasonably early and now I'm bored and hate that it's a school night and by that I mean i'm too lazy to blitz ppl to see if they wanna go out...but i hate working...and there's no good tv on...and BLAAAAAAH people are done w/ school...i'm over halfway there..but I dont wanna be done..but I do...actually...I just want to go lie down on the green and soak up some UVs but unfortunately it's nightime, a little chilly and i'm too lazy to walk to occum pond...but boy is it ever a night for occum pond (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 2nd, 2005
12:37 pm	No comment this is so funny.....look at how i scored on phallic compared to ppl my age....oh boy You scored 41% Oral-receptive, 48% Oral-aggressive, 32% Anal-retentive, and 46% Phallic! So WTF does this MEAN?! Freud thought that the ideal character was the genital character. These people are sexually mature. They are capable of loving others and being loved in return. They don't waste their libidinal energies on immature fixations. The genital character doesn't exist on this test. We wanted to see how dysfunctional you are, remember? So what does my highest score mean? The Oral Receptive Character This character occurs when an infant is overindulged. As a child, they were likely unconditionally encouraged and praised. In adulthood, they tend to be dependent, gullible, and overly optimistic. Their friends find them very demanding, which is confusing and hurtful to the Oral Receptive Character. This character needs to learn to accept that not everyone will love them. The Oral Aggressive Character This character occurs when an infant was often frustrated. Later in life, they learn to exploit other people. They frequently argue and like to debate...as long as it's understood that they are always right. They also tend to be a little sarcastic. And yes, they like to chew on things. (Oral-fixation anyone? Yeah, now it makes sense.) The Anal Retentive Character This character stems from problems in toilet training. Yes, indeed, the Anal Retentive Character had something against the potty. These people tend to be very regimented and orderly. Everything must be perfect so that they feel in control. The Phallic Character Ah, what would a Freudian test be without a phallus? The Phallic Character results when the Oedipus conflict is not entirely resolved. For men, they felt threatened by their father and consequently feel castration anxiety. For females, apparently they just really want a penis. Either way, Phallic Characters tend to be exhibitionists, often trying to seduce others to make up for feeling threatened as a child. How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: One to screw in the lightbulb, and one to hold the penis. Um, I mean, ladder. My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 38% on Oral-receptive You scored higher than 76% on Oral-aggressive You scored higher than 15% on Anal-retentive You scored higher than 99% on Phallic Link: The Freudian Character Test written by cupidjr on Ok Cupid Wow, not like I was feeling manipulative and bitchy enough lately.... :) I had an awesome weekend though!! Highlight was def Sofia coming to visit....i can't wait to go home and chill w/ her and the rest of HS ppl :) (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 28th, 2005
12:53 pm	100's of thousands of ppl are dying..and ure partially responsible... sweeet....blah..i dont actually have anything i'm gonna write on this crap...i feel crappy but i'm not sure since i've kinda been sans emotion recently....wtf mate? seriously though...ciara minus the severe mood swing emotional crap is kinda weird....i start to feel something and i totally shut it down. so strange...anywho i guess im gonna get lunch or sumthing..or sit around and feel kinda awkward and crappy...yeah i guess those are emotions or sumthing p.s. my body's been kinda twitchy/ shakey recently....i wonder if thats bad... (Comment on this)
Monday, April 25th, 2005
11:33 am	so perfect... Your Superhero Persona by couplandesque Your Name Superhero Name The Nerd Super Power Severe Mood Swings Enemy Frozen Corpse Of Walt Disney Mode Of Transportation Scooter Weapon Sporks Quiz created with MemeGen! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 24th, 2005
1:45 pm	Always Have to Steal My Kisses From You This week has been so strange...every time I come back to Dartmouth for a different term I feel like it's a whole new school. I finally feel like I have a solid group of friend and 8 of us have decided to live together next year. I'm sooo ridiculously excited. We're living in a house a little off campus w/ a really nice backyard and garage that we're totally gonna rigup for the sweetest parties eveeeer!! haha, so yeah, I get a pretty nice single in a house w/ most of my friends. haha....right now it's called the "sugar shack" but we've chaned it's name to the "whore house" since technically you should only have 3 unrelated ppl living together so that you can't run brothels and such..but this is suuuch a brothel. Oh! and we're creating the wall of shame...it's gonna have all our pix and then strings attaching us to pix of our hookups...it'll be soo funny to see overlaps and such. Basically it's gonna be the sweetest estrogen fest ever (though siegle and fleish will prob end up crashing there aaaall the time). So yeah, that'll be fun. hmm...that's all for now. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 21st, 2005
6:48 pm	Haha...been there, done that..well soon enough My life is soo funny right now...kinda messy...kinda crazy...well, who am i kidding..pretty crazy...and on that note i have to run to my chem midterm...wish me luck!! i'll update for real soon!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 11th, 2005
12:32 pm	Faz Aquilo It's so strange to look back at old LJ entries and see what the hell I was thinking. It's funny to read the entries where I know I was really upset but seeing it all in a humorous light. The ones that suck to read though are the intense ones about Robby. For those of you who don't facebook stalk everybody...we broke up. Weird huh? Not like the other break ups where I get upset and call it over just to be back together in like 2hrs. What a mess. Anyway, I haven't really been dealing with it which kind of scares me since it was such a long relationship and should be eliciting a greater emotional response from me. I think it's just that since we took a break first and didn't really talk I don't really, deep down believe it's over. I mean I know it's over, and I think I'm moving on. But I haven't come to grips with what it being over means. It'll be really hard this summer, though I need to get back to my life sans boyfriend. This past summer was really fun but I feel like I could have enjoyed it more had I focused on my friends and riding a little more. I don't know. On the plus side I made it through an entire session of emo music without having a meltdown last night which is always a pretty good sign. I've also made it through some gorgeous spring days without being incredibly sad that I can't share them with Robby. We definately had some amazing times last spring, taking trips to the park and getting ice cream. To be honest though, I'm at the point right now where I would rather be alone or with people that I'm not "cutesy" around. Not that I really tried to be cutesy around Robby, it was just who I was when I was with him. I think being apart for so long with school has made me come to appreciate the less Hollywood version of my life, the slightly more independant film version, where parts fade in and out, you can tell they tried their best with the budget they had, but that there's nothing left over for the glitter and glamour or the cliched stories with over-paid actors and anorexic actresses, no sirry, this is the real deal, life at it's roughest, crudest and most honest, well at least according to the director. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
1:00 pm	"I already regret it...and it hasn't even happened yet" Oh man... So I'm back at Dartmouth. It's so different here in the spring because there are so many more people on than in the winter (and maybe even in the fall). Everywhere is packed and everyone's excited about the new term....you can just feel the buzz...although that could be from my 2 consecutive nights of drinking and smoking...oops! Anyway, I've had all my classes (2 yesterday and 1 new one today). Portuguese seems fine, we lost a few ppl and gained 2. It's so weird to think that I'm already in the intermediate class (after this it's all lit and maybe one advanced grammar). It's so insane that they can pack so much into 10 weeks. I also had Studio Art 15 (Drawing 1) yesterday. I'm about ave in the class...it was kinda cool cuz she put my work in the center as an example of "moving in the right direction". It kinda sux though b/c it's pretty intense and she's all into perception and accuracy as opposed to creativity. But oh well, it's nice to do art. Today I woke Bryan up on my way to class....we had Chem at 8.45 (which was fun since I was in Wheeler till 2.30 last night). Chem will suck...but I was expecting it to. It should be better since I have Bryan to help me out...the kid is sooo smart it kinda freaks me out. lol. Anywho, I'm just killing time till I grab lunch w/ ppl then go to the barn. It's sooo gorgeous here: it actually feels like spring! (Comment on this)
Monday, March 14th, 2005
10:35 pm	let's bypass the bullshit So i found my old John Mayer CD...YAAY!! Although I still can't find my Maroon five or "lustful sex ;)" mix.......hmmmm....well I'm going home tom so perhaps i can locate them :) I'm soooo excoited for my roadtrip....and those of you who live between NY and FL be prepared for a phone call and perhaps even someone looking quite a bit like one of ure friends u had waaaaaaaay long ago in hs showing up at ure dorm room!! just a warning hehe!! anywho....I have a stupid hum final tom.....blitzing w/ adam instead....."studied" w/ mags and haley...both of them were pretty useless...grrr...where did those motivated kids i used to know go??? stupid smart ppl who dont have to study.....making me all lax...oh well i'm rediscovering the joys of LJ...Alicia's gone so ive got the room all to my lonesome....which is AMAAAAZING...i'm such a recluse...once i bring my tv up here next term it's doubtfull that i'll leave my room.....oh boy!! though on second thought i am kinda missing the rage.....luckily i'm gonna be at penn on thurs w/ em so we can go cuhrazy (and she's got us all set for FL....hehe). So yeah...that's about it....im gonna go pretend to study...and maybe pack..though i'd rather do that tom at noon while being pretty drunk....grr..gotta sober up by 2.30 though so me and hale's can go return our skis and then i can drive home :) then em comes wed:) then i get to see my snuggybear on thurs!!! ( no i didnt just see him on saturday..... hehe) (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 13th, 2005
9:31 pm	"no, no more sexing....sexing is evil"--maggie.b.severns-o'neil so....stuff's a little strange right now....i feel like i need a fresh start or sumthing. I would like to point out that i've been reading old LJ's....and wow D-mouth is so noooot what i thought it would be..... Bruce= really weird stalker i ditched first term Ren= the guy i thought i would be good friends w--taking a yr off b/c of attempted suicide oh...on the plus side mag's gave me some good advice which made me feel a little better swwweeeet.... anywho....bio final today went alright i suppose...and by alright i mean not well at all....humanities on tues...then i get to ditch out and go on my amazing road trip...im thinking of switching rooms...i miss my friends from home....i miss being social at school....basically life's a little screwy right now....luckily i jumped imp today..which was amazing...thank god for my pony..... It's only love And that is all. Why should I feel The way I do? It's only love And that is all, But it's so hard Loving you. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
12:30 am	Placing Bets on Monks BLARGHEY!!! Fucking douche!!! I have sooo much fucking work!!! I went to dinner w/ linds and Laura for Laura's b-day...it was soo much fun but now im sad cuz i cant go to her "malibu barbie" party (she's from CA)--I love Malibu!! Oh well... :( So yeah I have buttloads of work and have to drive to the dentist tom and baaaaaaallls...when am i gonna do all of this??? and why do the ppl i do bio w/ not know anything??? Blaaarrrgghh...dont get me wrong I love Charlie...oh side note...so he told us (me linds and fleish) a story about why his facebook pic is him in a lime green tuxedo...he couldnt go to prom b/c he had mono so during the summer he bought the tuxedo and kidnapped his gf (who was his date to prom) and took her to get a dress and then took her out to a really nice dinner that had a dance floor and got her a corsage and had a makeup prom! How cute is that???!!! So Lindsay being the douche that she is (haha j/k) goes "wow Charlie you're tramatizing Ciara...." And he goes "why??" and she goes "oh cuz Ciara wants a guy like you but she'll never get one" HAHAHAHAHA well that was awkward to say the least!! I mean I know she meant I love romance but it was such a silly way to put it!! Anywho...I'm finally done working on bio w/ him and now have to do portuguese w/out finishing bio....BAAAAAALLLS I still have to : finish extra credit project studyfor test tomorrow study for my final fix hw write 2 papers!!!! UGH...and go to the dentist and do bitchloads of laundry and figure out what to bring to montreal and clean up my room and get my life in order........i should just pass out and wake up next yr :) or as was suggested earlier....join a monestary...hmm i wonder if they'd take me?? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
5:03 pm	"Why do guys just cum and peace?" Haha...yeah emily asking one life's most important questions..... So yeah....Im trying to get through the mental breakdown week...3 papers, lab report, portuguese extra credit project, portuguese presentation, portuguese test...AAAAAHH Luckily Bryan helped me get itunes and upload all his songs from his ipod...i love bryan, he's my hero!! I'm really glad we're becoming good friends....we're so similar in terms of our relationships...it cracks me up...anywho....here's an amazing song that i got last night from him :) COUNTING CROWS - Up All Night (Frankie Miller Goes To Hollywood) Lyrics Is everybody happy now? Is everybody clear? We could drive out to the dunes tonight, 'cause summer's almost here. And I've been up all night, I might sleep all day. Get your dreams just right Let them slip away, I might sleep all day. When the roads are clear, We'll head on out of here, If you're coming back, I'll see you in the morning I'm just staring at the ceiling staring back at me, Just waiting for the daylight to come crawling in on me... And I've been up all night, I might sleep all day. Get your dreams just right And let them slip away, I might sleep all day. Ohhh...It's too late to get high now. [2X] fix your hair just right Put your jeans on tight, Wear a dress, so I can get it off real easy. 'Cause I've been thinking I'd like to see your eyes open up real wide the minute that you see me. If you don't come through, I wouldn't wait for you. I understand that everyone goes disappearing, into the greatest grey that covers over everyday, and hovers in the distance and the distance and the distance... I've been up all night, I might sleep all day. Get your dreams just right let them slip away, I might sleep all day. Ohh...It's too late to get high now. [2X] Baby I'm not alone only wanna get high (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 24th, 2005
8:51 am	for future reference for future reference do NOT go to drill at 7.45 am (esp when being observed by the prof) while still slightly intoxicated. If you have class on a thursday avoid raging the night before. Do not live the motto "work hard, play hard" to it's fullest. All of this will not work....you may come back at 2 am and not know how....you may feel like you never left the 1st frat....you may boot for 15min....you might wear the shirt you booted on to drill....all of this is a distinct possibility. Wow, I'm glad I was a good kid for a while....cuz I doubt I was last night!! (Comment on this)